Hi, was hoping to get some advice. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago. He had been divorced for 2 years when I met him. I knew he had some trauma but had assumed he had mostly worked through it or the rest would get better through the course of our relationship. I was also pretty naive only 22 , and had no idea the struggles that would come with dating a divorced man with kids. He had 2 kids that his ex wife wouldn't allow him to see. He told me he didnt think he was ever going to see them because of her lying in court and pulling any string she could to prevent that. I thought this meant he was free and unentangled for hopes of our future and raising a family.

for the first year of our relationship everything went smoothly. We went on s lot of dates, went on vacations like Disney, cruises, skiing. I fell in love with him. But after a year my boyfriend pushed something through to try to get his kids back. His ex retaliated. We heard from his lawyers that she tried to pass 4 different felonies through. 3 were rejected and one was approved to move forward. She took a photo of him in his boxers with his one year old daughter she had when they were together and Charged him with lewd and lascivious behavior.

As I said I knew my boyfriend had trauma before but still seemed functioning well and able to move forward in a relationship. But after he was charged with this, his mental health deteriorated. He lost hope, drank more, took a break from his job, and started having delusional and paranoid thoughts. He literally thought the nazis were still alive and out to get him and helicopters were always following him. Clearly it was hard for him to put a lot of positive focus on our relatonship. But more importantly he wasn't seeking any treatment. He believed his delusions were real and people were out to get him. I tried to stand by through this hoping it would go away once the trial resolved. Finally, a month ago his mom and sister convinced him to get treatment. He's been away in his home state since then in in patient therapy and our patient therapy and attending aa meetings. I'm very happy about this and it give me hope for a better and most importantly sane man to be in a relationship with.

The main worry that's occurring for me that I have is probably selfish. It's hard for me to feel like im a priority in my boyfriends life when he has so many problems and obstacles he needs to focus on and overcome. I'm pretty needy (working on this) and this past year I've felt kind of neglected due to all the negativity my boyfriend was engulfed in. We stopped going on dates due to money issues from court costs, he didn't seem to want to talk as much, stopped being intimate, and stopped having fun like we used to. I don't care about the material things but I don't like feeling rejected and I took it personally a lot.

I pretty much understand that men need space to be able to deal with things. And that my intereference isn't needed or wanted. Knowing that I do my best to be supportive in ways he does need me. But as my boyfriend is focusing on getting treatment in another state a lot of times he doesn't call me back very fast or respond to my texts. It feels like he's pushing me away, It makes me question if he takes our relationship seriously. I guess that's wrong?

He says he doesn't know what his future holds. He doesn't know if this stupid made up felony charge will stick and he'll wind up in jail. He doesn't know if he wants to stay in the state we are now for his kids. Or if he wants to move somewhere else to get away from his ex and recuperate from the pain. At the same token he told me his kids are his number one priority. He said he bought the house I live in with him for his kids due to its location, he said he bought his dogs just for the kids, etc. it's pretty sad seeing the preparation he underwent for them when their return to his life is questionable.

Anyways with what he's shown me about the kids I guess it's hard not to feel second best. All of his decisions seem to based around his kids and not me. And Selfishly I don't want to have to deal with being a step mom when his ex wife is crazy, and I want to be free to move out of state. Then again though I know his kids will always take precedence over me. I get that. But I want to have kids of our own. Any help???