The "staged" aspect inevitably hurt me. I could feel my former T become frustrated with me. She was floundering. She then started to use a instance of she and I going hiking as a point of connection between the two of us, but all this resulted in was me beginning to question the connection I thought we shared. Now, make no mistake, I knew my feelings couldn't be reciprocated to the level I desired, BUT I thought that she might have cared enough and had a real life connection to me, enough so I could feel "safe" and we could utilize that, practicing secure attachment.

We hadn't talked about the hike, which happened in April, all that time. When the attachment began to be problematic, in mid-June, she went from not referencing it, to repeatedly alluding to it. "Like when we went on the hike..." and "I'm the same person here or on a hike..." and more examples. I became to feel apprehensive. It got the point where I dreaded her mentioning a hike, which really meant nothing to me.
It felt inauthenitic and insincere, manufactured to force an illusion of connection between the both of us. It was all she could do and use.

Each time she said it, emotionally, I took a step back from her. I no longer felt safe and the connection I thought we could utilize began to dwindle.

Not to mention how it hurt to feel this.