I too masturbate while imagining the past abuse from my step father. I can't cum any other way. And it must 've my clit. I feel shame after but when he'd do 'stuff' to me I got turned on and I was around 10 I think. It stopped at 12. Why I feel like this idk but I don't feel normal. I masturbate often too. I can't talk to anyone about this. Looking for insight/help.