Both of these can be true at the SAME time:

She had a crap life and she did the best she could with you

Her best wasn't really good enough and you have trauma etc because of the things she did to you

Sometimes I feel angry (when I focus on the second). Othertimes I feel compassion (when I focus on the first). But both can be true at the same time.

There probably is some synthetic way of uniting them. But I'm tired...