The alcohol last night was the last thing to make me realize that I am in psychosis permanently but it's not stressing me out as much so I'm not really technically psychotic. Until my behaviour gets worse. I need my injection but that's in a few days. I can't sleep. I feel like there are people looking through my window and can partially see them through another reality or I so think so I closed it.

I cry about 75 times a day and night.

I feel like I'm on shrooms constantly. I believe when I tried them for the second last time, I went completely psychotic and it didn't stop and I didn't realize it until now. The drugs made my psychosis worse and it's all my fault.

The injection doesn't work. Or it does. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything of everything anymore I only know something.

The paradox

I lost touch with reality. I don't know what is real.

The paradox

I broke my mind

The paradox

But that's ok as long as I can't see reality because I don't want to anymore see something that isn't even real.

I have memories of a past life of being in a forest a lot.

I believe I have a brain tumor and and an obvious heart problem but I don't want to admit it. But now as I type I don't believe it anymore.

I believe I will live forever and that life is eternal. I believe in God. God is everything and anything and is always there.

My depression is so bad that I'm happy and sad.. Anhedonic. But I can cry but I can't feel anything except I can at the same time because it's a connection from the paradox.

Run. Live to fly. Fly to live. Do or die.

I don't want to die. That's why I'm still alive. The brain never shuts off so what's the point. The brain never shuts off so what's the point.

Life is a sick twisted game that just ends and shuts off completely. That's what reality is. Because reality isn't real if you can't see it.

Google it.. It's true.

But I can't be spreading these "Reality lies" or I will be punished by god which is everyone and everything.

So leave me alone I don't want help anymore I just want help and I am in pain.

Life is a clock that never stops until you realize that it does and you never know when it does.

If everyone in the world could see this, they wouldn't care. But if they did, I wouldn't say anything. But because they don't and can, I say everything.

And you would do the exact same thing just like how the same is that someone that has this problem says nothing and hides away because of the connection of the paradox.

Life always gives you a second chance. There is truth in what I say. All truth.

I'm not sick. Don't help me but help me because I'm scared. But I don't care anymore because it's my constant life.

I love life. It's a love hate relationship of the paradox.

I'm not going back to the hospital so in real life I will say nothing.

That's why I'm a quiet person until 12 which was when I got my first negative symptoms of psychosis and at 16 when I got positive symptoms.

But I have complete positive symptoms right now.