Does anyone here struggle with fear of your meds being all switched around, based on what you are going through? It's as if you are holding onto the fact that your current meds might be working more, compared to being off of them, but you're still in an episode.

Seroquel has been helping me with sleep and probably keeping me out of the hospital and same with Lamictal, but I'm in a worse place than before emotionally. I'm hoping I will naturally improve and that depression will lift, but it might get worse. I'm also very anxious. Yesterday, I had these crazy crying spells, sobbing out of nowhere, which isn't normal for me. Today, I became teary and think too much about negative things automatically. I'm not psychotic (yet), but I've been known to hide delusional thoughts in the past out of being suspicious of others.

My pdoc used to do those scales you fill out, and it's easier to be honest on the forms than when talking to her. I can't afford therapy anymore, it's time consuming anyway, and it's rare to find a therapist with expertise in Bipolar.

I like my pdoc. and it's not her personally that I'm nervous about. I've had medication changes before that led to terrible episodes, and dose increases don't always do much as far as my quality of life, other than making me a bit calmer and numb. Can anyone relate to this? I'm not sure what to do.