It's a bit freaky to talk about this because I never have before. Since my earliest memories I've had incredible energy and light in my chest. I've protected it with tension and secrecy. My chest and heart are a place I've always attacked. I've made cuts down the centre of my chest, tried pushing a knife into my heart, not because I'm suicidal, but I have to go through the motions. I visualize severe chest pain and hope to feel it. Also try to make my heart go wonky. My poor chest and heart take a lot of abuse. Now I have a tens unit that says clearly not to place the electrodes on the heart so I did it right away and got a great buzz and jolts and pain. It was so relaxing, my heart actually doesn't feel so tense anymore. My pulse stays steady and calm. I do it every day and it feels good to have that pain on my chest. It seems like a good alternative to cutting myself, which I haven't done for many years.
The thing is, I don't think this is manic or psychotic, it's just my soul trying to get out and I am afraid my rib cage will crack wide open in public one day and let the light out. I have to protect it.
There, I just had to get that off my chest, literally.