Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
Interesting. Both of my Ts referred to us as "us" many times and I personally liked it - it gave me a sense of collaboration. I do the same often with my own work colleagues now, learned it from the Ts. But only in a professional context.
Well, when the T that I had some nasty conflicts and shaky boundaries with used this expression, it evoked some negative emotions, but what I hear in it is still primarily the fact that it's something that we created together. It bothers me much more if they refer to the ambiguous or negative message using "you, you and you" in it - that gives me a sense that they are not taking responsibility for their own part.
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I think because of my attachment issues, the fact that ex-t and I had our boundaries blurred, etc. and she had already said we'd be friends if I wasn't her client, it nearly gave me false hope.
The context in which that conversation went down was:
Me: I can't tell my mom that I'm attached to you. She wouldn't be happy knowing that I feel an emotional connection to my therapist. I think she'd get jealous that I feel close to you.
Ex-t: Oh, you can't tell her about us? Can you tell anyone about us?
"Us" in this sense made me queasy. I knew my feelings couldn't be reciprocated and didn't want false hope. I would have preferred her making the distinction that I did,
"You can't tell your mother that you feel close to me as your therapist?" She was well aware of my issues and that I need that boundary, but they were so dang blurred by that point...when we hit a rupture, she took the friendly commentary back and became much more clinical.
Ex-t: I'm not your friend. That isn't our relationship. You didn't meet the version of me that you'd meet at a restaurant. But just the session before our rupture, we were getting along so friendly...
Ex-t: It's like your my little walking savings account.
Me: What?
Ex-t: Yeah, I never know when you're going to text me and tell me that a claim came through and to run your CC for $250 or $375, so it's a nice surprise.
Me: I'm your walking savings account?
Ex-t: Yeah!
Me: You a-shole! (laughing)
Ex-t: I think I like you calling me that. (laughing)
So, it was okay when she and I were getting along, but voice an opinion and she pulled out those boundaries- which she herself made fuzzy- hardcore. I felt confused.