It makes sense to me that you feel the way you do. When I hear people, myself included, say: "I don't know why I feel this way.". I tend to think its because we feel like we shouldn't feel the way we do. Or wish we didn't. But do. I could be wrong. But that's what I heard in your post. And I think it's ok to feel that way. Even if you don't want to. You are probably 1. Grieving your childhood you never had and 2. Maybe you're lonely, and that. Can drudge up some hella difficult emotions. I find loneliness messes with my mind. 3. You are trying to get better and improve your life. That in and of itself, can make us face stuff we don't want to see and feel. You were saying you are thinking about seeing a therapist at your school, in a different thread. If that's something that still interests you, I'd say go for it. It might help you sort things out.

One more thing, is I'm coming to realize myself, that life isn't perfect. For any of us. There are people who look like they have it all together. But even they have ****** moments too. I think I'm just trying to say, that this will pass for you. It may come back, since, this is your issue. But emotions are not stagnant and they change. You will feel better again. You have some good things and people in your current life.