BudFox-I haven't been able to get angry at him; well not fully. Come to think of it, he was acting like a jerk about it. It's not like other people don't have to make temporary scheduling changes. That makes me wonder if he has rejection issues (like me), or if he was thinking "good riddens". Makes me so sad. I do miss him a lot already. When we have good sessions, I felt very content.

Growlycat-My transition was "let me know when you can come back"..."there are crisis lines and clinics" (as I mentioned before-there are no clinics for me and crisis lines are not a substitute for therapy). Once I finish grieving, maybe I can think more about moving on. I can't afford to pay anyone now, but I see a psychiatrist who takes insurance. I can ask him for more frequent sessions; though the copay is still out of reach, maybe I can manage 2 times a month as I juggle bills. I am not attached to my pdoc. In all honesty, I have no desire to see anyone else. That's the worst part about it--I feel like I can only resolve this with him because of the underlying trauma associations. It brings me a sense of imprisonment, which unsurprisingly, is how I felt growing up. Regarding your situation-it's good to see someone who came through the other side; inspiring. Though I was resilient when younger, I imagine that helps. The older I get, the more starting over feels like climbing a huge mountain.