You love your daughter. You loved your dad. So you are capable of loving. I wonder if your thoughts are filtered through depression. OTOH I really feel it isn't fair to you to presume since I don't know you. Okay tbh this is a hunch. You wrote your relatives despise you and its quite difficult making friends. I wonder how much of that is poor self esteem based on your relationships with your family. TBC wondering how your family dynamics is an influence on your difficulty in feeling emotions. Realize I could be totally wrong on my thoughts. I wish you well. Hugs.