Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky
It makes sense to me that you feel the way you do. When I hear people, myself included, say: "I don't know why I feel this way.". I tend to think its because we feel like we shouldn't feel the way we do. Or wish we didn't. But do. I could be wrong. But that's what I heard in your post. And I think it's ok to feel that way. Even if you don't want to. You are probably 1. Grieving your childhood you never had and 2. Maybe you're lonely, and that. Can drudge up some hella difficult emotions. I find loneliness messes with my mind. 3. You are trying to get better and improve your life. That in and of itself, can make us face stuff we don't want to see and feel. You were saying you are thinking about seeing a therapist at your school, in a different thread. If that's something that still interests you, I'd say go for it. It might help you sort things out.
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I simply have difficulties explaining putting my feelings into words is all. I also do get lonely from time to time, but that isn't something that I can do anything about right now. At this point, due to my introversion and how busy that I am with work and school, I am far too drained to have a social life. It isn't uncommon for me to be gone from 6AM to 6-10PM because of how much that I have to do combined with how slow the buses are.
I need a therapist but I don't think that a school therapist is enough. I can't very well get another therapist because I can't very well make it to one alongside my busy schedule and the slow buses. Again, more waiting.
Everything is a waiting game and I am sick of being patient. I am going to waste the rest of what little youth that I have waiting on things to happen because it takes too long to work towards goals.