Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild
(((Blue)))
I'm sorry you're feeling so so so bad 
I recognize that this might sound weird but something that helped me re-frame my childhood experience (in which I felt guilty about stuff that was, in retrospect, clearly not my fault) was learning about Family Systems Therapy. I don't know enough about it to give a good summary here, but it has to do with, like... for example, my mom needed someone to take care of (because she's making up for the fact that she didn't get taken care of enough in *her* childhood), and I unconsciously recognized that so I became ill and dependent on her. Or like my parents needed someone to blame for their marital woes so I recognized that unconsciously and became "a problem child." I dunno; I'm not explaining it in any kind of way that makes sense, but it's worth a Google. (I learned about it by reading a book called "The Process of Change," which gives a lot of real-life examples of this kind of therapy. I think the particular therapy that they talk about in this book is really weird, but the theory they use is interesting.)
Other potential Google search terms might be "projection" or "displacement?"
If nothing else, know you're not alone in having guilt about things that you intellectually understand you did not cause. |
Thanks. You know, that's actually a really good point. I've been thinking lately that maybe I NEED to be worried about these guys I have crushes on. I need them to be sick and in need of help, so that in a way, I feel needed and wanted. I've never actually been in a relationship, only awkward and disappointing dates. This is a whole subject in and of itself, that propelled a lot of my self hatred and suicidal ideations. Maybe if I had a real life relationship, I wouldn't be so highly keyed in to the slightest emotional cues of people I have crushes on. Of course that makes it seem like I need to quickly and desperately jump into a relationship to solve my mental problems... which is highly unlikely to solve much.
So which is it? Do I get a relationship to save my mental health, or stay single and work on myself? As long as I'm single, I still obsess over a guy I've never met. I work in a black and white scenario of either running away from any relationships and burying myself in a hole, away from all social contact, OR being like my mom in the past and desperately chasing after a man caring for her, and completely losing herself in him and being a slave to him. I've never been taught a healthy in between, so I can't really recognize how to make that happen.