Hey, all! I know it's been awhile since I posted...

Over the past 4 years, my mom and I have seen a lot of each other while I have been homeschooled. We each have been suffering from depression for some time (I've been suffering since 15), and as I come closer to being a psychologist, I've been trying to help my mom, who's been helping me a bit as well.

Well, being in a spiritual leadership position (Messianic Rabbi's wife = Rabbinit), she obviously has had to deal with stuff a lot, including losing several friends. (The following is crucial to understanding the situation):
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[*]The first friend (we shall refer to her as Alpha), had another friend, Beta, who never really liked my mom, and has always been condescending. Well, Beta told Alpha that my Mom didn't like Alpha, so Alpha left, which hurt both Mom and I.
[*]The next one, Gamma, became a close friend to both Mom and I, and her husband basically became my Father's best friend. Well, my mom had a migraine one day, and my friend Mike went to pray over her (these were really nasty ones, BTW). Gamma and her husband then decided to accuse my mom and Mike of adultery. Needless to say, it was extremely painful for all of us, and we finally had to remove them (Gamma and her husband) from the congregation. This seems to have been one of the things that still messes with my mom to this day.
[*]Also, there have been several friends since that ended up leaving, each time leaving mom a bit more bitter. I eventually have learned to accept it as G-d's will and move on, but my mom has a bit more trouble.[/list]
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, my parents let my brother and I stay alone at the house alone for the weekend while they went up to Helen for their anniversary. Well, a friend got us home late (as in past dawn) after Friday, and my brother (8 years) ended up telling both my mom and my Mimi. So the next Thursday, my mom hears about it, and when she asks about it, I made a bad judgement call and told her I didn't remember when we got in, maybe 2 or 3. She said she had heard it was dawn, and so she started distrusting me, despite the fact that I try very hard NOT to act like most teenagers and lie and do stuff behind my parents' backs.

This last Sunday, I was getting ready to go out with my adoptive brothers (Mike and Steve) for Mike's birthday. My mom asked me about it right before I went out, and got upset because I hadn't asked her. I replied that I had thought that Mike had mentioned it to Dad, (but, being him, he had forgotten about it, and promptly left the room to hang with Mike) and it escalated into a huge fight. Basically, she thought I was trying to go behind her back (which I wasn't. I figure it causes more trouble then it's worth), and threatened to throw me out (according to Mike, a common parent's response to older teens), and we basically had huge fight. She even tried to say I couldn't celebrate Dad's birthday with them the next night.
She was a bit better after I got back later that night (she and I finally stopped fighting, and she gave me permission to go and stuff), but she and I have been at odds a good bit this week. Part of it could be that my grandparents (her parents) were coming up, and she got stressed about the clean-up, but dear 'eavens...

She's also seems to have some issues with some stuff about me. Like, it seems to me that she thinks I exagerate my depression (I try very hard not to), that I overreact (which she does herself to the nth power), and she just has a tendency to take things out on me. She did it when I was a child, and stopped a bit, but now does it again. She also expects me to do many things that I can't/shouldn't do (like do my brother's book report for him), and gets p*ssed when I tell her that HE should do it. I've spent these past 3 years trying to build up my self-esteem so I wouldn't let myself get pushed around so much, and I'm so frustrated that it feels like she's trying to make me subservient again...
She also gets mad when I try to raise my brother Andy, but she won't do anything to punish him except yell at him, and won't teach him to take responsibility (which she accuses me of not having [!]). I'm already seeing him being a lot of the same way I became a few years older than him, and I'm trying to make sure he doesn't end up with many of my problems growing up, but she won't listen.

Also, regarding the fight, she said a lot of things that hurt me quite a bit, making me feel like I wasn't a good daughter and that she was embarassed to have me as one, especially with my depression and stuff. I've never felt that way before, and I actually found myself asking G-d to take my soul afterwards, so I wouldn't feel this pain. (At least I thought about that instead of hurting myself.) I ended up crying- no, wailing- for a bit afterwards, including during talking to Mike about it. Understand, she made me feel like I had betrayed her, which I hadn't. I have a very strong sense of ethics for friends and family, and I would literally die before I intentionally betrayed one of them.
I ended up apologizing for not being a good daughter to her, and she told me stop it. I don't know if she has realized that I actually felt like that afterwards, or she thinks I was being manipulative.

I don't know what to say to her. She tends to react very strongly to things, usually in a bad way. When I tried to tell her about me almost attempting to take my life when I was 15, it took 3 tries to sink in. The first time, she said she understood, the second time, she acted a bit shocked, and the third time, we had just gotten out of IHOP with friends, and she ended up flipping out in front of a couple of my friends.

I'm just really frustrated now. I want to have a good relationship with her, but she acts like this, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to see if my psychiatrist can recommend a psych to talk to, but...

Any opinions would be wonderful.

Thanks all!

Luv,
Cass