Thank you all so much. There is some great advice in there. All of it is much appreciated. The suggestion for cognitive therapy really hits the mark, in my opinion. I truly believe that if she changes her thought "patterns" she could be a much happier person and have some friends.

The last comment regarding "Men are from Mars" is also right on. I've been screwing that one up from day one and I still haven't gotten it right.

Of course, my long absence here (on this board) has been because things have been improving--a little. Charlotte has made some great strides in recognizing her problems (and her successes).

She has a new, less-stressful, part-time job.

She's made great improvements in dealing with her "demons". She hasn't flown off the handle in quite a while. She's been learning to control herself--learning when to shut up before you say something in the heat of the moment that you might regret. She's coming to terms with her parents' lack of grand-parental involvement, which still hurts, of course. The same goes for her sister.

After most 'episodes', she comes around and apologizes (in earnest). She knows the things she does and she's VERY concerned about adversely affecting our daughter. Many times she said she hopes our daughter "is like you, not me."

But she also hasn't shaken those tendancies that illuminate her anger and impatience, especially with me. If she's not having a good day, it manifests itself in a few different ways. There's the complaining, obviously. But then there are the demeaning remarks (hey, I know I'm not perfect, but give me a break) and the cat-and-mouse arguments (where she constantly is shifting the focus to keep me off-balance. i.e. She shifts it to her because EVERYTHING'S her fault, or onto me because it's ALL about me. It's dizzying and unbelievably aggravating. Plus, sometimes she won't let me respond). By my nature, I don't like heated arguments, but I REALLY hate heated arguments with my wife!

There were some classic moments tonight. I'm changing our daughter, who's pooped. I lay her on top of part of her pajama bottoms to do it. Bad call on my part, admittedly. She says, "Oh, that's brilliant", and reminds me of how often she's told me about that and says things like, "wow, I must be a genius! How do I do this all by myself when you're not here!". I've more-or-less gotten used to comments like these, but I don't like it when our daughter is exposed to it.

Later, as I'm cooking her dinner (which I do sometimes anyway, but she is sick). She lets out a big cough. When she's done, she sniffs and I realize how stuffy she is. I ask her if she wants a Sudafed (which I purchased for her earlier). In a very methodical, sarcastic, matter-of-fact way, she proceeds to let me know what a dumbass I am for suggesting that (for her cough). And she's not even being angry--almost like she's glad to let me know what a thoughtless, selfish, POS idiot she thinks I am.

At this point, I snap. I try to argue with her, but she starts the whole cat-and-mouse thing and starts talking over me. I get super-pissed (very rare) and I go into the kitchen where I do the very unwise thing and start cutting the chicken while I'm in a rage, breathing heavy--really angry.

I plate her food and bring it to her, but she's locked me out of the bedroom. Fine. I go in to wolf down a few bites and go for a drive (I'm a little cooler at this point).

An ongoing issue is that she needs a break from her daughter (natural). I do my share to give her a break (especially in the morning, so Charlotte can sleep in), but because I'm constantly in fear of pissing her off by doing something wrong, I'm always asking her "should I do (this, or that)"? Of course, when this happens, she doesn't feel like she's getting much of a break. (And, no, I don't wake her up to ask her questions).

Typically, I'm very non-confrontational and patient, but I just snapped tonight. I know I need to improve as a husband and a father (including being more thoughtful and anticipating needs) but I just got tired of hearing it. I've always been a little overly-sensitive, and I guess I was again tonight. I suppose that makes me a selfish little wuss.

Sorry for the long rant. I suppose this is my therapy.

Thanks for all your well-wishes and advice. I wish you the best and may your glass always be half-full!