I am sorry for what you've been through and to know you suffer these thoughts also. As a kid and teenager I ran away a few times when things were really bad. My family was not really the problem and not what I was running from. I was running from pain. In my adult life when I've been what would be considered "manic" I've gotten it into my head that the only way I can get better is to leave my family and I've planned to run a few times. Fortunately when manic I can't create good plans and get distracted easily.......the last thing that would be helpful for me is to be manic on the streets without my loved ones and support......yet when I get "racey" and overwhelmed I think it's a solution. I'm glad you have not left and glad I have not either. I love my family so, so much but there is no doubt they sometimes cause great stress to me. That's true of pretty much all families, no matter how healthy or well meaning. Take care. (((Hugs)))