Feeling pretty alone over what I went through. I have turned to friends and family and they all just tell me about their relationships they went through and how to just get over it. I need some validation here because it was very traumatic. I just need some people to validate what I'm feeling who really understand.

3 years ago I randomly messaged this guy in England on fb. We were both in a George Carlin page and I found him really funny. I live in America. We chatted a bit but nothing serious at first. Every once in a whole we would talk but nothing too extreme. Slowly things progressed over time. I found him messaging me everyday when I woke up. Then it turned into every hour. This guy was almost obsessed with me and I never really questioned it, I was even flattered. One day it all changed and he told me he wasn't attracted to his girlfriend anymore and always thought about me. He would compliment me all day. Tell me how amazing I was. He would spend so much time messaging me, Sending me videos, voice chats, pictures, phone calls, emails, links to pages. I knew everything about him. What he ate for dinner, where he was, what he was doing. I found myself immensely interested in this guy. I could NOT get enough of him or him of me. Now that I have researched things I see this as love bombing. Who becomes that obsessed with a person through a phone? He would always tell me I was the only woman for him and that there was nobody else. I'm perfect. He would reassure me that he will never find someone like me. He visited a few times that next year and it was always amazing. Then in December.. Think it's been 2 years now. *he told me found another woman and had been cheating on me for 6 months. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. How could this happen? I look back and sometimes wonder why he even told me. Because it was crazy. He said he'd do anything to earn my trust back but he didn't do that at all.

We have so many bad memories that I could go on for hours. He would constantly put me down. Tell me I'm **** and break up with me. It usually resulted in him blocking me for a few days and not talking to me. It was always the worst. I'd cry and my self worth would get so low. I'd beg for his return and promise to be better. He would never understand why I was so hurt and everything was my fault. By the time he actually moved here things were pretty bad and I don't understand why I couldn't just leave. Well I do kind of now. I tried to end it a few weeks before he came and he went crazy. Calling me a ***** and blocking me. He then messaged my mom a few days later and I wish she would have never told me about it. I blocked him and was done. But when she did it made me feel like he “cared” once again.

So he moved here and then things only got worse. Even with all the hurt I still loved this man dearly. But yet I felt so unloved by him. He would ignore my feelings and refuse to talk to me. The only time he ever showed any kind of affection was when he was drunk. He definitely had a drinking problem on top of all this madness. Because he was so nice drunk and showed affection I enjoyed drinking with him. This resulted in very bad behavior on my part. I would get completely trashed and then argue with him. I'd call him names and put HIM down. He'd say he wants to go home and I'd kick him out. It was just miserable. Then the next day he would give me an unbelievable amount of guilt. I am a very accountable person and of course my self esteem is low. The amount of guilt I put on myself for my mistakes was just unreal.

After he moved here I started realizing what a huge ego this man had. And how low of self esteem he had. He always wanted acceptance from others and he made a ton of friends at the bar. I found myself even getting jealous because he liked them more then me. He would speak badly about me and even turned people in my own town against me. I'll never forget one event. It was one of the times he came home kind of drunk and said he wanted to go back to the bar with his fiends. I said fine go. I just blocked him and went out with friends. He must have called me about 50 times when I stupidly looked at my blocked calls. He had gotten into a bar fight and was in the hospital!! I had to leave my good time to go and rescue him. I've never seen him be so nice to be than that night. Well except for the first year of our relationship maybe. He went on and on about how amazing I was and how in love with me he was. What a mistake he had made. The next day it was like it never happened.

I could give so many examples of why I think this guy has npd but I won't bore you. I'm not a psychologist and I don't really know. But after reading so much he fits it to a T. He left and went home finally. The night he left he was smashed (I quit drinking for a month now because I was tired of him making me feel low and tired making bad choices). He did not feel bad at all. He refused to speak with me the day before because HE said horrible things about being here. I then wanted to talk and he refused and wouldn't sleep in the bed with me. I was up all night feeling anxious and stressed. The next day he again wouldn't talk to me. He made me feel again that he did not care for me. When he came home later that night smashed he had zero empathy for what he put me through. I just didn't care anymore about him or his bad choices at that point. Finally I did not feel bad for him. I let him leave without begging him to stay for once in my life. It's been 5 days now and I still have not run to him to forgive me. It's hard but at the same time I want to finally move on. I'm still just feeling like nobody understands what I went through. He has an amazing personality. Very charismatic and intelligent. I really loved him but began to hate myself over time. I'm just so worried that things will never end. From what I've read it could take years to get over. I've already wasted 3 of them on him. I don't want that at all. I just feel so pathetic. Even writing this all that I have done and all that has happened to me is ridiculous. I worked very hard for my nursing degree and there have been so many times where I feel too emotional to go to work or it impacts my job. I want to stop being a damn baby and get over this crap. Stop thinking about him and realize things. I just don't know how and am emotionally exhausted after all this. The worst is wondering and feeling like the first amazing year of our relationship was a complete fraud. Did he really see me as amazing? Maybe he was completely messing with me. I always thought this guy was too smart and amazing for me. Like it was too good to be true. And it was. Once he got home he had his sister message me terrible things. About my mom (who kicked him out for being a drunk) and about me. I just feel so many emotions and i just want to feel better.