When I attempted in 2015, I was angry and ashamed that my H and I had failed our children. Dealing with the aftermath provided many diversions but I am back exactly where I started once again. Everyone in my life (except H during our fights) says that I have been a good mother. I know deep down inside my soul and my heart that this is not true.

Two days ago (Sunday, August 29, 2017), he called. We only tallked a few times very briefly then we agreed to talk again the next day. Yesterday, when I called his hotel room multiple times, he did not pick up, I was only able to leave messages on the room's phone. I fear that at least one of the messages I left was all wrong. He is so far away. I do not know the full story but I am sure his life is not easy. I still am not helping him. Not really. This is not an easy thing to post.