(((lyn))) yeah - good point, those messages are familiar... right in there with "i can only count on my self and i deserve to be hurt (SI). That was me, too - my appnts. are tuesdays which are all holidays. Oh the joy. I hope you get yours worked out!! May there be a cancellation that you can get to.

(((Rap))) thanks... i am trying - i didn't even realize that in staying away from the blade i've been turning to alcolhol again. Emotions are coming up and i don't like them - numbing. Ahhhhhhhh trust.... am trying. it scares me to have to trust. Somehow this is the first time i am looking at the things underneath the emotions and seeing how raw they really are. i'm "off the map - here there be monsters".

(((goodmama)))) thanks - yeah i've noticed - it was annoying when i wanted a blade and one would not materialize. I found one today - in the hands of a stock person- and i couldn't find it after he left.

Kiya