I forgot to mention one major source of the disconnect - he often rises earlier than I do in the morning, so he does breakfast with the kids. Lately, that means he gets up, starts coffee, and gets himself cereal. Then he turns on his tablet to watch the news or surf the web, plugged in with earbuds. The kids come out when they get up and make their own breakfasts, or I get them up when I wake if they're not up yet. While he's on the tablet, I check that our kids have eaten something balanced, let the outdoor animals out/feed them, check if kids have fed the dogs, check that kids are prepped to go to school (drinks bottles, lunches, paperwork, backpacks), get them to put their dishes away and brush teeth, and watch the clock to get them out the door on time. He goes to work around the time we take my son to the bus; sometimes he drops him off. When he comes home from work, usually we're just sitting to eat (I try to wait for him to get home so we can eat as a family; when he's in town we manage this every night unless he's extended past 7pm). We finish eating and I prompt the kids to clear the table and get ready for bed. If I mention it to him, he'll do the dishes from cooking (kids put the rest in the dishwasher). Kids go to bed, and he sits on the couch with his tablet and earbuds to watch a show. When we head to bed, he puts something on the table like the History channel or something, again with earbuds, and goes to sleep. He's often asleep before I can even manage to get the cat inside/fed, get our son to the bathroom, get doors locked, and into bed myself. He can't shut his mind off if he doesn't have something going like TV in the background, and it makes it hard for him to sleep. That was a dealbreaker for me early in our relationship, because we would turn TV on for him to fall asleep, and I would be up to 2 or 3 in the morning because I would get engrossed. For over a decade, we haven't even owned a TV. And he's gone to bed just fine. But over the past 6-7 months, he plugs in every single night. So maybe he can shut out the thoughts in his head, but he's also shutting out me, the kids, and all the things that go on in our house (including if kids or animals wake in the night and need help - which means I am up almost every night dealing with something while he's blissfully unaware).

I did mention this to him a few nights ago - about him bringing home the issue from work and making the whole house miserable with him, as well as him being super disconnected. But then he left for his trip, so not sure yet if anything will change.