I've noticed that even people here ignore me and blow me off. Even this forum has been triggering me because I notice a number of other members receiving love, praise, and help. I remember at least 2-3 members that had other people help them in person. Yet, this forum makes me feel more alone than I already feel.

Believe me, I wish that I didn't feel the need to go down such a path in life. Unfortunately, people's reactions to me only further proves my hypothesis that I am too far gone to be accepted by good people and the darkness is the only thing that would ever love me. The only motive for me to change at this point has been so that people will accept me. Unfortunately, no human being will ever sate the emptiness inside of me.

I will go back to how I used to be. Back when I put up a mask and lied about myself to make myself appear better than I was, I had a lot of friends and even women into me. I was a lot happier as a lying cheating scoundral, instead of the empty nothing that I am now that struggles to make friends. I just need to become a better version of the old me and I will get all of my needs met without issue.