Talking about this further serves no purpose beings I already branded myself a conman to the entire PC community by making this thread and I might just close my PC account to preserve my reputation in case I become successful and piss somebody off and they find a way to link this account to me.

With that being said, since a number of people asked me this, I will give a response:

A combination of things. Having to take off work to make it to see my case manager all over a stupid treatment plan update just so I can receive the last two months of my housing grant only for her to not be there. I then went to school to study but got overwhelmed and frustrated with my work because I am so bored with what I'm doing and have been lacking the motivation to get it done and procrastinating and getting behind. I also found out that they were giving everybody in the part of the school that I work at free snacks through email so I felt left out. I then have to deal with being triggered every day I go there by all of these happy young adults getting along well and these attractive females with guys and that sort of thing.

The one thing that most of my triggers have in common? Freaking buses. It doesn't help the fact that people in this thread keep telling me that I am avoiding learning how to drive. It's easy for them to say because I am willing to bet $1000 that everybody who has said that here has had somebody to help them somehow when they were learning. Driver's ed is freaking expensive and I just got my first paycheck last week which went to buying a laptop for school since I'm a web development major and all and buying groceries. I am not made of money and I won't be able to afford driver's ed until sometime next month whenever I get my disbursement from financial aid.

It must be nice for people to judge me in this thread when these same people have either had people actually help them somehow or they live somewhere where disability support doesn't suck, unlike me who has been pretty much all alone.

So to sum this all up: I can't manage all of this stress and I'm overwhelmed. I can't see myself living like this for the next 2-3 years just to finish a college degree that nobody will care about when there are easier alternatives. Why should I continue to be this miserable when it is the fault of my mother, this failed mental health system, and society in general that I turned out the way I am? Any opportunity to minimize my own suffering I am taking, even if I have to outsource my suffering to people who are much better off than I am.