I was so messed up in my marriage & attempted Sui more times than I can even remember with several being close to successful over a 13 year period, added to it anorexia & starving myself in hopes that would work.

Was dx'ed with major depression reoccurant & major anxiety & even landed on permanent disability. I was fighting life during those last 13 years before I finally left. It shocked me that leaving could make such a huge difference in my life like night & day.....& yes, my H was "nice" too but totally dysfunctional in almost everything.

I actually asked my new T who I had gone through 2 intense years of DBT therapy how leaving could make so much difference in life like having a completely new life when I was always told that my problems would follow me because they are internal.....she said that the problem was obviously with my environment that I didn't have the skills to deal with & that it would be difficult to have skills to survive in the environment I lived in all my life....it was like the frog in the pot of water where the frog just gets used to the water as it heats up until its boiling & the frog never knew what killed it. Only I was finally able to hop out of the pot of boiling water before it killed me.

Sometimes our mental illness is totally due to the environment we are living in & because we have become comfortable in the pot, we aren't quick to leave when we really need to. It doesn't mean that we don't have problems that need to be addressed after we leave. It doesn't mean that we don't have a very lacking skill set we need to learn but getting out allows us to turn our focus on developing things that help us personally.

My situation is more the exception than the rule according to my T, but it sure was a relief to be out of an environment that just made me want to die because I had been financially trapped in it with no way out until I finally did leave & the door opened & I RAN for my life.

It took me 13 years to get to that point also as I kept hoping he woukd change & finally grow up. I thought that even really leaving would be the jolt that would cause him to grow up......but it never happened. I honestly never thought I would ever be truly happy in my life because growing up had the same stressors that existed in my marriage....emotional connection & serious communication limitations....none of that followed me when I left so I finally realized that I wasn't the one who brought the issues into my life. An enlightening revelation.

I hope you can find your place of peace in your life where ever & however that happens