i dont want methadone or anything like that

just something that can make the thoughts stop
i have emotional pain... not withdrawal symptoms...
the desire to get high is just because i want to make the other things go away...
its easy fix .. fast... not long lasting.. maybe damaging... but it stops it for a minute

i do have problems with obsession... i dont think i have ever been diagnosed with ocd and they have never talked about it... i may be obsessed with drugs because of the way the work... because its the only things i know to turn off the feelings

i self medicate...

i have constant thoughts running through my head, reminders of drugs, it happens all the time, for no reason.. its not me thinking about it its just coming into my mind...

i just want something to turn these feelings off so i dont need any thing else...