I watched some interesting documentaries recently about some well known philosophers throughout history. One called "Genius of the Ancient World" about Buddha, Socrates and Confucius and the Other called "Genius of the Modern World" featuring Nietzsche, Marx and Frued. The one thing they all had in common was trying to figure out a way to maximize personal growth and satisfaction. Self help books follow this time honored tradition of claiming to figure out answers to the biggest questions plaguing man throughout time. I'm very interested in hearing the thoughts of those who think outside of traditional thought. However nothing answers or solves my issues of dilemmas and often provide more questions than answers. I wish these suggestions could cure me but they cannot. When I'm well enough I do them instinctively but when unwell I'm incapable. When unwell doing these things would leave me more frustrated than satisfied and that would not increase my happiness. Power to those who are helped by these things......I wish I were amongst them and satisfied or pacified with a simple list of 5 short to-do's.

When I'm well I focus on gratitude and believe it serves me well. The person most served by self help books is the author who financially benefits from creating them. I'm sorry I'm so pessimistic.....I'm hurting, in pain and have no choice but to suffer. I lose my mind sometimes and it's hardly easy to be grateful for it. I'm grateful I have most of my sanity at current but I can't let go of the fear I will lose it forever and be doomed to be abused by people who have no idea how to care for people like me.

I do wish there were a book with real answers .....I will keep reading and hoping but I fear the answers we really need will never come.