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Aug 30, 2017, 06:38 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 439
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Smith's recent comment. He actually admitted that some therapists aren't ready to handle attachment needs. Wow. I disagree about the ending portion and his use of "slow down." I'd bet that this leads to more terminations than it does a "slowing down."
Just meeee two cents.
Quote:
As I have written in many places, the child’s solution to the problem is finding an adult who will finally give PRIMAL LOVE. This is a wish that even a willing adult can’t fully satisfy. It is the special domain of healthy parents, or caregivers, and small children. So what therapy is for is to help the child let go of at least the part of the wish that can’t be fulfilled, which means experiencing a lot of scary pain and anger and coming to realize that there is joy and happiness in becoming free of those feelings. Emotional healing leads, at last, to being able to accept the kinds of love and attention that are available (from people who are capable of giving) in the adult world.
To return to your question, unfortunately many therapists are not trained or comfortable with the childlike parts of their patients. In this blog, we have had reports of therapists who abruptly terminated patients who disclosed their attachment. On the other hand, there are therapists who, by training, experience, and personal makeup, are able to recognize what is happening and to handle the situation with respect and understanding.
As described in quite a few comments in this blog, the winning formula is this: Ideally, people with an inner child who is perpetually looking for PRIMAL LOVE need a therapist who can help them recognize and let go of shame and disapproval for their inner child and childlike feelings. Next the therapist needs to help them let go of mechanisms for avoiding the anger and sadness. These often include addictions, compulsive behaviors, self criticism and self destructiveness, as well as rages and depression. As this happens, feelings of anger and/or sadness will intensify. The therapist needs to make a place for those feelings and help the patient realize that they are driven by disappointment from long ago, even though they may be focused on present issues. Often there is a repetitive pattern of attachment, then painful disappointment. These strong feelings need to be contained by the therapy, so that they can heal. It turns out that the anger is not endless, but eventually peters out, and the sadness is not, in fact, the bottomless pit it seems to be at first. Eventually those feelings can give way to a positive interest in the adult world and what it has to offer. That is the goal of therapy, and it does work.
The things that slow a therapy down are, first, a therapist who is not prepared to handle these intense feelings and potentially dangerous acting out, and second, the many many things patients do to avoid facing the feelings.
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