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Originally Posted by Anastasia~
I don't think you were dishonest -- you were paying and openly pursuing attachment needs. That seems pretty straightforward and honest to me. I think your exT might have been in over her head and had no idea how to handle these things as frequently seems to happen. And the client is damaged and has little recourse. Now the abandonment sometimes comes from a defensive, maybe angry T, who knows there's little you can do about it. But they somehow justify to themselves that they are above the law of do no harm because it was the client's fault, or maybe worse, they know it was their fault and refuses to be truthful.
Do blame yourself for what happened, your T, or both? Did she apologize during the last conversation you had? A direct apology seems to be rare. Sorry if these questions are intrusive, if so, please ignore them.
Sorry for the stupidity, what is UPR?
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I meant my therapist was dishonest. I was completely honest. I did my part, played the role, expressed feelings openly. Yes she did all the things you mention. It was right out of the therapist handbook -- in case of rupture make a fuss, blame client, admit no fault, gaslight, abandon.
We had a few phone and email interactions post termination. Then she cut me off. I got a third party to lean on her and we had one more phone converstation, where she finally apologized. It meant very little. It was an insult really, to have that squeezed in at the end under duress. It was all about her. It was her therapy. That's the core dishonesty. Exploiting the client covertly.
I dont like to think in terms of blame, but I hold her accountable. I was out of my mind. I take responsbility for my actions though and see both sides. The problem was the basic construct. It was f-ed from the beginning. But she made a terrible mess of things.
UPR = Unconditional Positive Regard