Hi! 🙂
I'm not going to use the coulda, woulda, shoulda logic cause I have been where you are 🙂
Oh I*know* that storm and then the guilt I felt afterwards. I just recently lost my cool, the explosion hit me so fast I didn't stand a chance. It took me 2 weeks to pinpoint what exactly had set me off. It was my husband yet again playing the victim, denying promises he'd made and broken, pretended to be a great spouse yet, when the counselor wasn't looking at him, he was smirking and sneering. I too am a feminist and to have him denegrate the fact that I gave up my career to support his, make comments like Oh you're too sensitive etc well.. put me through the roof. I recently discovered he has set up notifications on *my* credit/debit cards. This limits any help I am trying to get. He tracks everything I do and then I am interrogated. Keeping my wits about me is not easy when someone is intentionally pushing my buttons.
So, I am doing something he'd never even guess - as soon as I have the nerve, I am going to talk to a Priest. I'm not religious but I have always found great support and comfort when working through things with a Priest.
I know if I don't get out of my current situation, it will destroy me. What I want to do is make sure that storm never gets on top of me again. So I am working on forgiving myself, I'm hard on myself, always have been.
I think you handeled your storm very good! You felt it coming and removed yourself from the instigation. Give yourself a huge high five, imo 🙂
Hopefully I don't sound like I'm preaching, I simply wanted to convey - you are not alone. The road we have to travel is a long one, more of a marathon than a sprint 😁
Take care 🤗
Wisteria Rose
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_DollMage
Normally I would and I realize that would have been the logical thing to do. Unfortunately the logical thing isn't always so easy to accomplish especially when you are already fighting demons and under the influence of alcohol. I would hope that this isn't something I would have to explain to someone on here as I am sure we all would prefer to do the rational thing instead of losing control but, alas, that why we are here.
As far as getting into therapy goes I am working on that. I have been working towards getting my affordable care plan up and going and as soon as it is I will get a therapist and psychiatrist.
I did not come here to be fed platitudes or reminded of what I should have done. Usually I am aware of what I should have done and what I need to do. I am just here seeking support from others who suffer from the same issues as me and assurance that I am not alone. I understand you believe that you are being helpful and appreciate that.
However, let me assure you... this was not.
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