Mouse - Yes, I guess in a way I am mourning my non fake self. I'm hardly ever real, and that's not cool. I don't even remember when I started being fake, but it was awhile ago. I think it was probably when things started getting bad, and I didn't want anyone to know that there was anything wrong.

And on a different subject:

...Now I feel inadequate. I was talking to my friend J, and he started talking about his crush. Then, he started talking about this other girl in youth group...And he went on and on about both of them saying how great and amazing they are blah blah blah. First of all, you don't do that. When you're a guy, you don't talk about the girls you like with other girls. It's wrong. Second of all, you definitely don't do it after the girl you're talking to says new topic! Yes, I understand you like them, I understand you think they're great...But honestly, I don't care, especially because it's taken away from how he acts around me!