Chocolatelover, what a wonderful topic! If we didn't have faith, then what would be the point in trying to recover? You have to have at least some hope that you can change or you wouldn't try. The more faith you have, both in yourself and in God and His desire to help you along, the more progress you can make and all the faster.

I think that it is important to watch and to catch ourselves when we are hopeless and resigning ourselves to being sick forever. That despair is not of God, and we need to confront it, as you have done.

I can't resist a note to Jinnyann. Jin, your pain comes through strongly in your posts. I am sorry that you are hurting so much. Keep searching for your faith. Although I can't speak for others, I think that rather than telling you that you can't be part of God's house, they have been trying to show you the way, or at least the way that has worked for them. Maybe the way that they have tried to tell you has not felt warm and friendly, but please don't think that you are rejected. It is more the limitations of human imperfection and communicating in a way that hasn't yet touched your heart in the way that you need or want. But stay open. That light will guide you still. When the light goes dim, it may mean that the way you are looking is not a correct path, and may be a signal to turn around and look another way.

KD, I have learned so much from you, and I really relate to your post here. I use dissociation also, and because of it, I have not really lived a large portion of my life. I went through the motions and got through it, but that was all. You are onto something in that we need to feel the pain and the fear in order to truly appreciate the joy and happiness. There must be opposition in all things. My signature quote is a reminder to me more than to anyone else. Without the darkness, we wouldn't know the light.

Another thing that helps me to have faith in recovery is to remember that nothing that any of us may suffer is more than what Jesus suffered for us. In fact, since he paid for our sins, he suffered all of our pains. Anything that we feel, he felt too. He knows what we are going through because he went through it too. We aren't alone. And He knows how to help us if we will let Him.