First let me say that I have no problems with my therapist. She is probably about the twelfth therapist I have had over a half century and the only one with whom I have connected and made progress with. I care about her very much, but not inappropriately so, rather similar to how I feel about some here on psych central with whom I have developed personal relationships with. Let's call it 'love with healthy boundaries'.

Two sessions ago I discussed a matter in my life that would seem to indicate a move to the far side of the state might be in order. I shared that to me, the idea of losing her as a therapist would be a significant negative to such a move. It wasn't a firm consideration at that point - and still isn't, though more evidence has surfaced since then which would indicate the list of reasons to move are growing. I shared the growing reasons for a move in yesterdays session as well and reiterated that losing her as a therapist is a serious consideration on the 'not moving' side of things.

In our first discussion on the matter, she said, "I know of some excellent therapists on that side of the state." Yesterday she took it further with, "I'm sure we could find you a much better therapist over there."

Her self-esteem is not my problem, and I am not trying to make it mine. Nevertheless, I'm finding myself dismayed by her position that she is mediocre at best. I want to hit her on the head with a rock (personal expression - i.e. shake someone to get the dust out of their brain). After a lifetime of working diligently, more or less on my own, to reach a point of relative health after a very traumatic and abusive childhood, she has helped me to improve my life significantly in ways that no one else could.

She has made the rare comment throughout our weekly sessions over a period approaching two years that have given me pause. For instance, she has shared with me on two occasions that she has had to do some soul searching on whether or not she is bringing value to the therapeutic relationship because, in her words, I am vastly more intelligent than she is (admittedly this is true but I'm a genius and this often the case), know more about psychiatry than she will ever know (less true but probably realistic), and so insightful that I seem to come up with the solutions to my own issues before she can help me work through them. While there may be a grain of truth in that as well, she has correctly concluded (and shared with me that she feels) that I apparently need a sounding board to work through it.

Anyway, just chronicling my discomfort with the idea that one of the people I value most in the world does not value herself as highly. I feel saddened at the idea. While I recognize that it is not my job to take care of her, and would actually be detrimental to the therapeutic relationship to do so, I wish that I could do something to lift up her view of herself. I won't, but wish I could.

Anyone experience something similar?