I'm sorry you're in such a difficult position and I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. Do you think this relationship can continue with you having one foot out the door and feeling the way you feel? I ask this because it appears that your wife is not willing to put in the work or show you a good faith effort that she intends to stay clean. I wish you the best and hope you make a decision that brings you peace and healing. Sending big hugs.