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Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
 I am sorry she has put you through so much. I remember in another posting where her spending habits have also been very disappointing. |
*nods* Although I do think her spending habits are simply a manifestation of her addiction.
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Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
It is hard to stop helping the people we love even when they disrespect the money and effort we invest in them. Sometimes we beat ourselves up even when we put more effort into the relationship than they have.
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I'm not sure here. It may be that she puts even more effort into the relationship than I do but that her life and relationship skills don't produce as much. To clarify, it might be like the two of us (you and I) preparing to fell trees to chop into firewood for the Winter. You set the alarm clock and are out the door at the crack of dawn with your trusty hatchet, the only tool you have. I, on the other hand, wake up at noon, head out with my industrial chain-saw and give it a couple of hours before I decide to quit for the day. You come in only after the sun set and I've still cut more firewood than you did - but not because I worked harder, but because I had superior tools.
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Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
Perhaps since you took this first step, perhaps you will be able to leave sooner. I assume you are sad because you know her well enough to know she will not turn around. No expectations or pressure from me though. I am in a permanent state of confusion.  I am sorry you are sad but if you can eventually reach clarity on what to do and take action then things may get better for you. I hope so. |
I think that it is more that I know addiction and recovery well enough to think that it is unlikely that she'll turn this ship around. I love her though, and want and am dedicated to giving her every chance to be successful, I just don't like her, and hence our, chances. I also want, and am dedicated to giving myself every chance to be successful in the event that I am right about her chances. My fear is that success goes in the direction I plan for.
Thank you very much for responding; each perspective helps me clarify my own thinking more and has been helpful.