(((((((Sarah))))))) I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It's a miserable feeling and you deserve to be happy. You've shown a lot of strength by coming here to your friends. You KNOW that ... somewhere inside you KNOW you're stronger and <u>better</u> than whoever abused you!

I was reading a thread on SI ... "Reasons Not to ..." ... and I think it would help you to read the posts there. Really read them, Sarah, and think about what these people have written. The comments that hit me the most were things like, "One of my reasons [not to] is that if I continue my abuser wins. he felt all I was worth was to be his object to hurt and so on, my hurting myself is giving him what he wanted." and " I think I'll show them, but when you really think about it, does it make sense that you were hurt so now you should be hurt more?"

Please, please do NOT let your abuser win! TRY to explain to your friend what's going on in your head. I know it's difficult for you to trust anyone ... trust is a major problem with my daughter, too, BUT you have to start somewhere IF you want to be better? It sounds to me like your friend is an excellent place to start.

SHE has stuck by you, SHE wants what's best for you, SHE has asked you over and over to explain why you feel the way you do, SHE <u>believes</u> you are a good person. So I ask you, WHY would she do and ask these things? Because she wants to hurt you more? Because she thinks you're a lost cause? Because she thinks you're annoying her with all your problems? Do you actually believe that?

It's very difficult for those of us who do not have your problems to truly understand how your head works. That's why I came to these forums in the first place ... so I could learn to help my (newest adopted adult) daughter. She's finally told me all her deep, dark "secrets" and I didn't run. She's learning to trust me ... it's a slow process, but everyone has to start somewhere. Please consider starting your healing process with your friend!

TRY your best to explain what's going on in your head. Maybe show her the forums and let her read some of the posts here if you can't put your own feelings into words yet. Don't toss her away like garbage so you can continue to wallow in depression. TRY to let her help!

((((((((Sarah))))))) Take a deep breath, now another. The first step is going to be the most difficult ... all the others will be a little easier. And remember, God never gives us more than we can handle, so SHE must think you're a strong person! If GOD thinks you're strong, can you really argue with HER? Can you?

Trying to be a GoodMama