Don't worry Mrs (I'm gonna keep calling you that although I now know your name, it seems more right) - you make sense

Yeah. Being fake sucks, yet it comes so naturally now. It's absolutely ridiculous how I do it without even thinking anymore. And yes, when not being fake I don't really know what to do.

I do think that being fake is sort of like a defense mechanism. With it, I have something to hide behind; without it, I don't.

And speaking of being fake...

Naked by Avril Lavigne:

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes

But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust

Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin

I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm naked
Oh oh yeah
Does it show?
Yeah, I'm naked
Oh oh, yeah yeah

I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through, baby

This song is so true for me and my friendship with Z. Z is the only person I'm ever completely real around, and when I'm not being real, he knows and calls me out on it, usually in a questioning way...Like if I say something's OK and it's not, he'll say something like it doesn't sound OK. But the thing is, it's not weird being real with him, I feel perfectly comfortable with it and I know that nothing bad will come from it.