Jinny…. I hear you. The time of searching and looking. Where to turn… where to find that which will bring you peace. Will fill the void in your heart for the love that surpasses all understanding. I’m sorry you have been given cause to feel unwelcome among believers. I agree with Rapunzel that value can still come from the messages brought to you to consider. Messages come from all sources and directions. Sometimes our emotions react and our minds are narrowed and the messages get lost on the journey to you.

I have seen your searching the past while and I do believe that you will find your hearts desire. Start with believing for the sake of believing that you will find the answers you seek. Dwell on that desire. Read, write, pray, meditate on that which you seek. See only what you receive that is good from what you read, write, pray for and meditation upon and think nothing about what you are missing or about what doesn’t fit or make sense or seem right.

I found God in creation and I found God in the sacred writings and at sacred ceremonies. I was at a place where my ‘effort’ wasn’t enough for me. My accomplishments, my education, my life experiences weren’t enough for me anymore. The hole in my heart had gotten bigger and my desperation had become my occupation. I had to eventually take time out from my life to immerse myself in those things I couldn’t create myself. I know that might sound strange but I was so self-sufficient. I’d closed my heart to people. I was untouchable emotionally. I’d closed my ear to messages of love and hope. I’d denied they mattered. I’d closed my eyes to beauty and saw only what could be made by hands and inspired by intellect.

From a place of desperation I called upon God, the Creator of all things to show me a better way. To show me why I needed love and why I couldn’t function without it. Love representing trusting something outside myself. Love was the highest risk emotion. I’d lost all sense of love and its influence on my life. I’d lived in my intellect for so long that I’d narrow the road to my heart. I was living solely in the material world and wondering why everything seemed so cold. Why I was so cold and lifeless.

I started to just appreciate the natural world. I started to centre myself as one within the natural world. As I appreciated every blade of grass that grew, every raindrop that fell, every breeze that passed by I began to see the miracle of life. As each day passed I watched the effects of the seasons. I began to see the circle of life and the seasons of my own life. I became one with the natural world. I began to accept my dependency on nature without fear or hesitation. I couldn’t control the natural world but I could find harmony in all places. I sought to be in balance with nature and all living creatures.

Gradually I began to see the hand of God and the love of God and the imagination of God and I fell in love with the God of all creation. I feel into the arms of the Great Spirit who awakened my spirit within. My eyes, my ears my heart opened up to receive love and to in turn give love. I’d searched and found my way into the heart of God. I’d found the Great Love through my emersion into creation and my study of the word of God. The Bible accompanied by a great book by C.S. Lewis called Mere Christianity opened my heart to the God of salvation and re-birth. I hadn’t grown up among the Christian faith and before my searching I couldn’t have told you anything more about Jesus than what the Christmas carols had taught me in passing.

I know God now as my Lord and saviour. I know God as the source of all wisdom, beauty, grace and love. I know God intimately and reverently and personally.

I know Jinny that you will find your way. Maybe if like me you seek him first in creation…. in nature, then like me you may be more able to see him in the hearts of people too. You will know you are welcome as spirits align and you welcome yourself into the place of knowing that is waiting for you to enter.

I continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers Jinny. You are on a magical journey. No need to fret or worry. Rejoice in what is to come. Let yourself rest in the magic of your every breath. Let yourself marvel at the miracle of life. Marvel and be in awe. The source of that awesomeness will be revealed to you in its perfect time, in its perfect way.

Put your desire into the universe and then just let it be. See every moment from that moment on as part of the miracle that is opening your eyes to see, your ears to hear and your heart to receive.

Blessings to you Jinny.