I know what you mean... the phases that inspire us to seek more than mere existance. I'm likely having one of those phases right now and soon the cloud will come to show me the impossibility of my efforts. But still I try while the clouds have parted to see the light on my path.

Only by God's grace do I keep getting up for another round in between the cloudy days. On those cloudy days I'm satisfied being stuck in the safety zone I built for myself. I'm satisfied I've trained people to respect my boundaries. I'm safe and I'm unchallenged and I'm numb to the pain.

Then a cloud breaks and I'm struck again by how my life is passing me by without me engaging in it. I'm alive but I'm not living and while safe I'm not secure. I'm not content. I need more. Since cloudy days come more often than clear days it is tempting to just pull my covers over on those clear days and avoid any more failed attempts. I've been doing that for a while now and it's not working any better than the failed attempts. Time for a new approach. I don't want to be stuck. I'd become resigned to being stuck and that scares me more than any manifestation of my illness.

I hope for you too jefftele that you find the supports you need to live your life to the fullest. I hear you about needing trusting people to keep on track. I can get pretty dillusional and 'out there' with my thinking and having people around me who can serve as my balancing scale is very important.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and best wishes.