And actually it's strange to me that I don't imagine having sex with him, given that it makes total sense to me every time I hear someone say they want to sleep with their therapist. Well duh -- of course they do after sharing so much intimate information about themselves with them. But then I don't myself so I wonder about it. It may be that boundaries are so important to me that I can't even fantasize around them. I know I never fantasize about anyone who's unavailable to me. I mean, even if I have sexual fantasies about a celebrity, it's never ME -- I become someone else inside the fantasy, someone to whom that celebrity would be available. Make sense? I don't know if that's a protective defense or if it's just that someone else's desire for me is what I react to. I sense that T would never cross any boundaries and so I don't want that. I feed off other people's emotions/desires, etc. And now I wonder if I'm just living my whole life vicariously! That led to another part of the discussion where I said I can't enjoy doing something if I know someone else is doing it just for me but doesn't want to (like I wanted to go to the movies over the holidays but didn't want my family to go with me unless they really wanted to). Anyway, that's a side track of me trying to figure out why I didn't feel that way. I really didn't like saying that I don't fantasize about him sexually. I know I wouldn't want anyone saying that to me. Of course I'd never open myself up with the question.

Sidony