Hello there. I am very sorry you're in pain first off, but I am going to be a bit blunt here, so please forgive me. I think it's wrong (or unfair, really) to look at her differently, or women differently, because they have had a sexual past. This guy did a very uncool thing and seems to have been a bit aggressive with her, which is not her fault. She clearly felt uncomfortable, but enjoyed the other attention he gave her, which seems to be a priority for her and something she will latch onto - perhaps something she prioritized over the sexual aggression. She was very young, he was very young. These things do happen, even though they may seem creepy or wrong. Young boys especially can be aggressive.. heck, adult men can be aggressive!

But to look at her differently as though she did something wrong or committed a crime is not very fair to her. She was very young. I am sure she has learned quite a bit about men since then and may behave differently now, if the same thing happened. Maybe she would even slap the guy now and say adios forever, for all you know, right? I would! Said with tongue in cheek.

I guess what I am saying is how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot, and your gf judged you for something some other girl did when you were young? It doesn't seem fair, does it? Give her a little room on this one, is my advice.... the past is the past, and has nothing to do with the present situation or relationship. A relationship is about who two people are in the present moment, and all that makes that relationship special and unique. It seems like you want to hold onto her, so try to leave it behind and not judge. She is probably a great person, or else you wouldn't like her or be involved.... and a better one now most likely for having had that experience. Appreciate her for all that she is today, but don't judge past actions. That's my two cents!

And yes, if you are becoming suicidal, I would definitely seek professional help/counseling to help you through it. Hope this helps, but if not, I apologize! (((((Hugs))))))