(((ElsaMars)))

It hurts to know we have similar experiences at the hands of our fellow humans... It breaks my little heart. I have been frustrated with so many things since these 'professionals' chose to hurt me in the worst possible way. I kept asking why, why me, and how could they do these things? How could they live with themselves?! A therapist outside the situation said I will never have answers to these questions because I am a good person and I am incapable of doing the same things to others... It makes sense. But it still drives me NUTS.

I am just so FED up with giving people second, third, fourth chances (to do what is right) which should come naturally without even thinking. I am talking about my family and friends and people I trusted, like therapists and healthcare professionals who have the privilege of power imbalance and seeing us at our most vulnerable, yet instead of helping, choose to harm... And not by mistake, it is malicious and it gives them a sense of satisfaction to see us suffer... I mean how many people are there like this on earth!? I am starting to think FAR more than we realize.

I have absolutely lost faith in humanity. But I don't want to spend my entire life living in the illusion that there are NO good humans left... I know there are. But if every-time I claw myself out of my cave and go out into the world only to be met with the same patterns and victimization, why would I even try?

I think there is more to this re-victimization than we realize... I have heard that trauma survivors can become stuck in a pattern of being re-victimized wherever they go and I can see the merit in that notion now: it is true. I am stuck in it too and I am SO sick and tired of it.

How do we break this cycle?!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz