I have an illness that regularly makes me 'lose control' - I have to leave important meetings to go to the bathroom, often multiple times. I've been so incredibly ashamed of this while at the same time realizing I shouldn't be since it's an illness and I can't help it.. But I've realized it's actually the loss of control I'm ashamed of.

I've been SO proud of myself for being able to control myself to an insane degree since I was little. It was my mode of survival - had my father seen my true self, he could have and would have hurt me! But I kept myself hidden - hardly able to breathe.. What an awful way to live, but I'm grateful I was able to do it - it saved some sense of self that would have been lost otherwise..

Now, however, it's OK to be more visible.. I honestly believe most people are NOT crazy like my father.. I believe most people are actually OK, normal, wanting to know who other people are, not hurt them.. So I can be who I am, with my illness and everything else.. I don't have to feel ashamed of not being able to control myself.. I don't need that way of surviving anymore. Of course, I can apologize to people for being an inconvenience - but at the same time remembering I'm not a lesser person because I have an illness that is largely out of my control.

Of course, they may be some people. for instance employers who won't think I'm enough with my illness, but then that's how it is.. As long as I do my best, I'm enough for me and for life