I've never had a "pure" manic episode. Mine are always mixed. Maybe that's why it took the doctors 3 decades to figure out that I was bipolar instead of a cranky depressed person. It starts off feeling just not quite right, then I start feeling nervous or lazy and self critical. Like there is something I should be doing that I'm not. Then I get figity and agitated. And extremely irritable. Then I become convinced that the world does indeed suck the big one and anyone who disagrees with me is too blind to see.

I become afraid to be around anyone for fear of what I might do or say. I have never actually attacked anyone other than verbally, but the fear is paralyzing. So I go to bed at 6 o'clock, pull the covers up to my nose and binge watch sitcoms, hoping to ride it out. If it gets too bad sometimes Xanax helps me calm down.