Had all of the bloodwork there is to have. Everything checked out o.k. I guess I should be glad but in a way I was hoping that something would be wrong. Not that I have a wish to be ill, just a simple answer to why this is getting as bad as it is. All of the ups and downs are just too much to take. I'm so tired.
I have my next apointment with the psych doc on 1/4 and I'm going to insist on therapy, if not with her than with someone else. I feel I'm at some sort of breaking point and I've never been this scared. I mean I've been down, sometimes for days but never for months. I just don't know how long I'm going to be able to do this. I don't even approach this subject much with my family anymore. I get the feeling that they're getting sick of me talking about how bad I feel. Mind you , I dont want their pity. I just need them to understand that this isn't quickly fixed with a pill and I think that's what they thought. So now not only am I putting up the "front" for the outside world but also for my family.