My narrative:

1) I am Bipolar, Type II, 23 years.

I used to experience very long severe and low-functioning depressive episodes (months), followed by brief hypomanic episodes (days), followed by severe mixed episodes (days-weeks), and over. No periods of stability, towards the end. It began when I was 16/17 and progressively spiralled by the time I was 20. At it's worst:

Worst of depressive episodes: Thinking about suicide constantly, but not having the energy, to even carry out basic things. Not leaving my room, eating raw spaghetti out of a bag, or not eating at all, peed my bed once, cleaned myself up but didn't change my sheets. I slept on the other end of the bed for, I don't even know how long. Really my lowest, think that perfectly sums up how low functioning it was.

Worst of hypomanic episodes: Believed I could get 90s on my courses during the final week of classes despite having 40 average grades. Thought if I did really well on my last assignments, my profs would see how much of a genius I was, I'd have a bright future, they'd give me stellar recommendations, and there was no doubt in my mind it would go any differently. In my free time, somehow ripped a fence out of the ground at a construction site, tried to set a beer on fire with diesel fuel canister I found there, got chased by a mob of angry dudes living in the houses near it, couldn't see anything wrong with the situation, thought they just didn't get what "fun" was, that I was fun, and they just didn't get it.

Worst of mixed episodes: Believed the guy I was dating was going to die a gruesome death. Didn't have any explanation or logic behind it, yet somehow it made sense. Can't really go too into it, it's still hard to think about. Couldn't sleep, couldn't calm down, was supper agitated and it seemed to stretch on forever.

2)

I take 300 mg Seroquel XR, 75 mg Seroquel Instant Release, and 225 mg Lamotrigine, for the past 2 years.

3)

I'm in partial remission. I still experiences highs and lows, but the severity can't even be compared. To be honest, it's very difficult for me to now, to draw the line between symptoms and normalcy. I experience long stretches of stability (3-5 months), but there are a few times per year...when certain red flags show up...but it's difficult to pathologize it. It's also confusing not just because its less severe, but because these periods don't go on long enough (like they used to) to have a serious impact on my life, and for other people to really notice.

At the end of the day, I don't have much to complain about, because I function. I have a job, I get decent grades, I have good relationships, and a stellar support network. Sometimes things get weird, but living a "normal" life isn't impossible anymore.

4)

Past: Pretty much I was all over the place. All I can say is the memories that burn brightest for me are pre-med, but also the worst memories I've ever had, that I'd like to forget. I was failing school, I was destroying my relationships, my physical health took a toll. But I also did amazing things, rarely, but there were times, where I really lived my life to the fullest. I didn't really have a concrete sense of identity because I'd constantly break down and rebuild. I wasn't very self-aware, I made alot of excuses.

Present: I'm pretty, boring. Don't drink, don't do substances, go to bed at the same time every day. I would have never thought, I would be able to describe myself as "responsible", but I guess I am now. I've had to accept that who I was when I was manic -- I am not that person, as much as I'd love to be at times. I don't try to take the world on over night, but I eventually reach my ambitions in the end, it just takes a lot of time and commitment. Long term stability has given me the chance to mature and grow as an individual, and make plans for the future I am sure to follow through on. I've been able to gradually expand my world-views and the skills that I have, in a way that is permanent. I think people who have known me before, would say I am very different. But 30% of my recovery and "joining the real world" happened so gradually, I don't even know at which point, that happened.