I was with my old pdoc for 7 years and then she retired. I was devestated. I also dreaded having to go back to square one with a new doc.

I felt a HUGE sense of abandonment even though I logically understood that she had very right to retire and live her life. I had to give permission to grieve this loss. And it is a loss when you loose someone who you've spent years developing trust and sharing your dark and painful inner thoughts.

I went to another doc in the same practice. The first day with when she plopped down my file that was inches thick i almost screamed and ran out of the room like my hair was on fire. Our first session was a pretty clinical get to know you type thing, going over my meds, etc.

I don't like her, I don't trust her. She's not MY doc dammit! But I know I have to hang in there and get though it. Give her a chance to earn my trust. And she has to learn to trust me too. That I'm not going to go off the rails and suddenly quit my meds or worse take too many.

My heart goes out to you. It's a difficult journey. It's been 6 months for me and I'm still not sure if I like her. I wish I could remember how long it took me to get comfortable with the old doc, but I can't.