I keep having dreams where I'm being attacked by people with chainsaws, knives, sledgehammers, swords, and even explosives. The big thing is that they kill me. I feel my final moments and things go slowly black. My sleep tracker shows it as sleeping time but pulse falls dramatically, into the 30s even, for several minutes before I wake up. When I do wake, my whole body shudders and hurts for a long time, like all day sometimes.
Before you ask me, I do not watch horror movies, ever, because I find them laughable. My mind is much more scary.
I'm going through a rough time right now anyway. I was released from hospital for suicidality almost a month ago. I'm also bipolar 1 and the racing thoughts have been back about 2 months, but I'd been free of them for several months, which was something new, as in I'd always had them. I'm about to be homeless, by choice, because I want not to need it depend on others for a while. I plan to live in my vehicle and just drive South where it's warmer, then West if needed too