yeah you make plenty sense, lyn. SI for me has never been about getting even, either - just stopping the panic or paybacks for feeling or telling ppl about histroy. these days alcohol has been a good numb-ing thing. I mean *bad*. bad numbing thing.
*sigh*... you're both in a tight spot right now, eh? keep reaching out.... reach far enough and you'll get hold of one of us in person. I'm sorry you're hurting so bad. =(

i bought bandaids with a unicorn on it that is crying. offers two over*... to put on the ouch.