1. What's your diagnosis, and age? Describe your episode history (symptoms, severity, patterns, etc) and sum up some of the defining moments.

BP 1, 30 years old. Symptoms of depression started at thirteen. I started self-injuring. I spent my adolescence in hospitals (including the state hospital for children which was horrible) and residential programs. When I went to a high school for emotionally disturbed kids, I stopped ending up in the hospital but I didn't stop being depressed. I remember episodes of anger and irritability but not happiness.

After high school I went to college but fell into severe depression the summer before. Dropped out of college after six weeks, kicked off a full year of severe depression/mixed episode. Got the BP dx at 18, didn't believe it because I was never happy, but i was frequently angry, irritable, and "crawling out of my skin". Culminated a depression/mixed episode so severe I could barely crawl out of bed. Cut myself on the daily. Took extra pills. Didn't eat, just alternated between crying and feeling numb. Suicide attempt. ECT Treatment gave me my life back. I believed that I was cured.

Went to college, got married, had a baby, got a job between 2006-2012. In 2012 symptoms reappeared, and worse than before. I went through hell and put my family through hell for another three years. This was the first time I had a euphoric manic episode. Started to believe bp dx. I became psychotic more than once. Had two more series of ECT, before and after my husband died suddenly. Still fighting today.

2. List the current meds your on (or the combo that you have been on the longest) and how long.
Depakote, Vraylar, Emsam, and Trazadone. This is recent. I was on Invega and Emsam for a year and a half before my prolactin got ridiculously high and i developed EPS. Switched to Latuda in June, horrible reaction, I've been on my current combo only for a little less than a month.

3. What are your primary experiences with how your current treatment affects your illness outcome? (has there been a change in #1)
Now that I'm an active participant in treatment my life is much better.

4. If you could write a super short bio, how would you describe pre-med and post treatment life? How has your life changed (if it has)?

Finding the right med combo saved me. I was horrified that I had to go off of it. Now I'm struggling to find stability again. But I am SO MUCH BETTER on meds than off of them. I was off meds for one week this summer and immediately went into a mixed episode that would have gotten a lot worse if I hadn't been able to get in to see my pnurse. My life has changed significantly since I accepted my dx (finally) and participated actively in treatment. I still have swings, and I always will, but I'm better prepared to deal with them. I haven't been in the hospital since right after my husband died (2 years), I haven't cut myself since Feb 2 2016. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time being stubborn.