It was interesting to read all the responses, but I can't really relate to most of the posts. My issue that sparked this thread was emotional and attachment, and it only happens with my therapist. I do not blindly trust anyone, and not my therapist, or trust anyone who I need something from in that regard. I didn't realize blindly trusting is a common issue...

So this involves attachment to my therapist, it doesn't transfer to other people. Would be interested in hearing about others who have this issue. I also don't think my therapist necessarily encouraged it, but allowing the dependency is the way he works in that he did not respond to my needs, really any of them, and repressed childhood states emerged because the relationship mirrored childhood neglect. Now I am realizing that I don't think he is really suited for this type of work, for someone with my background. I didn't see this before. Now it is too late. I am a different person.

But in other ways, he did hold all the 'power' and seem to control everything. Nothing was agreed upon with me, he has a domineering way about him. I feel damaged. My only choice--ever--was to leave. No matter what what wrong, I apologized. I conceded. I was masochistic when I felt he might be angry or wouldn't want to deal with me when I became too needy. He seemed to always have to have 'one up' on me. Well, that's another topic, I suppose..

zoiecat, your post made me realize-it's as if a dissociative state surfaced and it won't dissociate back in, not sure how else to explain it. I was independent my whole life, much like your story. It was not healthy, but it enabled me to go about my life. But now I feel imprisoned. And I could relate to the fear surfacing as you described. Those fear states can be frightening. Thanks for sharing, you made me realize some things.

I wish I could go back. I am past the fear, it's daily despair and pain. And the person who I needed to resolve this with cut me off abruptly, mirroring a milestone from my childhood where i was abandoned by both parents. I can't separate the 2 as much as I try. It won't let up. I can't get past it. I've tried to just accept the fate, but it doesn't help. I just can't believe how what this man did affects me so much.