View Single Post
 
Old Sep 02, 2017, 10:51 PM
here today here today is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat View Post
I find this whole subject sad. Yes I agree part of it is society. I think part of it as well is that everybody wants a quick fix. I don't mean that in a judging way. I'm just saying that society has led us to the way of thinking where there's a pill for everything, there's a quick fix for everything. We want to feel better so we let ourselves fall into the belief that the therapist knows all and if we just give ourselves over to them they will solve everything for us without us having to put in the work and suffer the pain ourselves. I know my response is not going to be the most popular one but in a way I think many of us get what we're looking for. As previous people as stated we don't want to take the responsibility for making our own decisions it's much easier to let somebody else rule our lives and blame them when things go wrong versus making our own decisions and having to blame ourselves. Another way to look at it is we did make the decision to let them rule our lives. So in that way we gave up our control by choice. It seemed to be the easier road at the time. In that respect we did make her own decision and have to accept the price for that decision.

Thankfully I am coming at this subject from a totally opposite side of the fence which is equally as sad when you think about the price I've paid for my point of view. I grew up as an only child in an extremely abusive and neglectful house. I learned at a young age that I cannot rely on anyone I must rely on myself. I must be strong I can't give my power over to anyone. I have to be in control I cannot let anybody ever know that I am scared. I always had to build walls, not let anybody in to see the frightened little child inside. I carried this philosophy into adulthood and I actually did not learn that I feel fear until about 4 months into therapy which began in my 50s. I'm extremely lucky to have a great therapist who does not want me to be dependent or try to get me to be dependent on him. He actually tells me don't trust him too much he's going to make mistakes. He also tells me how strong I am especially once he learned that the thought of me feeling fear drove me to dissociation. My need to control everything has been with me since childhood. I have DID and I have an altar who comes out if I start crying or show fear in public. This was how I survived as a child. The price I paid throughout childhood allows me to not have to worry about giving power over to a therapist because I don't trust him at all really. I like him I feel he's helping me but I never blindly trust anything he says without doing my own research and sitting down and coming to my own conclusion of what he is saying. So although I will never share the problem some of you have, coming from the opposite end of the spectrum is just as sad. The price I paid in order to not have your problem was just as painful and has lasted a lifetime.
I respect what you have to say about yourself and your own situation. But you do not know what my life was like, internally and externally. I never used to blame anyone except myself. Getting to the point where I can actually see the other person's impact and influence in a situation is actually progress, for me. I've been in and out of therapy for 55 years, almost continuously for the last 20. I have given it the best that I could do. Therefore, I can say with some accuracy that your statement in the first paragraph is just wrong. And judgmental. At least as regards to me.

Since you state in the second paragraph that you are coming at the situation from the other side of the fence, your use of the word "we" in the first paragraph is a misrepresentation. For what intended effect, I'm not sure. Maybe you can write some more about that?

I do not think that it is "easier" to kill yourself off (emotionally) in terror when you are a little kid so that you won't lose your parent(s), whom you feel you need more than yourself. When you do that, there is a sense in which you do not have a "response-ability" any more, and trying to get that back can be excruciatingly difficult. If you haven't experienced it, then how can you know?

I understand that you're not like that, didn't "do" things that way at 1, or 2, or 3. You may have "chosen" yourself over other people. But the concept of "choice" at that age is a very different kind of thing. Yes, kids that young do "choose" in a sense but based only what is in front of them at the moment, with no possible way to understand what the long-term consequences might be. I didn't have DID but I had a somewhat similar condition (called DDNOS 7 years ago), so how much of what I did was a child's "choice" and how much was the neurological system may be a matter debate, too.

I disagree -- it is NOT easier to let some one else rule our lives. I spent most of my life trying to be a "good person" by external standards and beating myself up when I failed. That's what taking responsibility meant to me -- working hard and beating myself up when I failed.

Since you are not me and don't know me well either, you cannot know my process. It is quite presumptuous for you to think you do. That is not a matter of your opinion being popular or not. It is simply ill-informed.
Hugs from:
Anonymous52976